


Carrying The Conversation

by blessedharlot



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 12:00:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5665327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessedharlot/pseuds/blessedharlot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>About three weeks after the events of Captain America: Civil War resolve, Nat gets an unexpected phone call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carrying The Conversation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [diamondcrystal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamondcrystal/gifts).



> This is a gift for nataliabuckys, from their prompt "Post-Civil War reconnecting". 
> 
> This is pre-rekindled romance, as they find their footing as friends.

Nat kicked the bag again absentmindedly. She didn’t know why focus was such an issue nowadays. Getting back to training after a big win usually felt great. And the enormity of the issues ahead with the Infinity Stones was more than enough motivation to get down to business again. And yet, here she was… distracted.

She had hated fighting with Steve. The boy scout being angry at her hurt more than she expected. She couldn’t remember the last time withholding information from someone bothered her this much. But by the end of the mission, she had been able to help him in a way no one else could. The world was safe from Zemo. And Barnes was safe, finally. Finally. And Steve was lovingly tending to him. 

Barnes. Adding a name to her memories of him still felt strange. Odder yet, he did actually remember her. She still couldn't take it all in. Him being lost to her had been a given for so long. It was a rare constant in her life. They hadn’t spent much time together yet, but that would eventually change as work began in earnest on the next mission. They’d have to sort out a way forward, a working relationship… her with her decade-old grief, and him with his freshly remembered open wound of what they had been.

Her phone rang. Uncharacteristically, she noticed. She told herself it rang louder in the empty gym, that she wasn’t just letting herself be distracted by it. She was just picking it up to silence it. Yeah.

She didn’t recognize the number. But she had an odd feeling. So she answered.

“Yes?”

Silence.

“Hello?”

More silence. 

Out of habit Nat immediately scanned the room to make sure this wasn’t a malicious distraction. But before she even looked, she knew it wasn’t. She hadn’t lost that much control. And that’s not what was causing the odd feeling. She felt as though… as though she had someone’s attention.

“Oh. It’s you.” She said into the phone. She realized a smile had spread across her face. “Not much, what are you up to?”

The simple, voiceless silence of an open phone line continued to greet her.

“Ah. Well. You should know I am currently in the dingiest gym in Brooklyn.” She noticed anew the stained walls. “And you know that’s saying something. Steve said the first floor used to be... Sal’s Shoes? And this floor, apparently, used to get ya some lively action if ya knew who to ask for.” Nat laughed. “Sometimes I’ve looked at a ceiling or a wall, and wondered if you ever looked at the same spot.” 

She accepted the silence.

“Anyway. I’ve been coming here about a year, when I’m in town. I like it. They leave me alone. I was going to meet a friend today to spar with -- you’d like her style, very Krav Maga -- but she got called out of town last minute. So I’m doing some drills.”

Silence.

“It’s okay,” she continued. “You don't have to talk.” She reflected for a moment. “But… hang up if you need me there in person.”

Unchanged silence.

“Alright. Phone it is.”

“So how annoying is the mother hen hovering over you constantly? Checking on you. Making sure you're not killing anything. Making sure all your emotional needs are met.” She chuckled. “Is it suffocating?” She thought a moment. “Or does the surveillance feel oddly familiar? Maybe even… slightly comforting? Now that it’s well-meaning, I mean.” She mused, “I picture you trying to relax and watch some... baseball or something. And there’s this concerned blue eye examining your facial expressions through a cracked doorway.” She laughed at her own joke. “I’m sure I’m exaggerating. Steve trusts you. I just expect he’s got quite a backlog of frustrated fussing over you to manage now.

“I should definitely stop hogging the bag here. Come to the locker room with me,” she said absentmindedly. She realized then that she’d done so little that she didn’t even need a shower. Well, good. She didn’t want to hang up yet.

“Baseball's gotta be a thing that hasn't changed much, right? I mean, other than your team deserting you. I haven’t noticed the game itself much, it’s so boring. Boxing’s still about the same as it was. You should definitely check out Ultimate Fighting. You’d enjoy that.

“Another reason I dig this gym is that my change of underwear actually stays in my locker. That’s quite handy.

“Oh, if you haven’t, you should see a movie called “Rocky”. The first one. Not any of the rest of them. Well, the fourth one if you’re in the mood for really cheesy Russian villains. But you’d really like the first one. It's sweet. 

“But then Steve will probably be catching you up on all that. Ask him if he still has his list. I’m sure he does. He kept it in his pocket back when we all threw our recommendations at him constantly, trying to catch him up. That list might be useful to you. But take it with a grain of salt. Take ALL of his recommendations with a grain of salt. Don’t believe him when he tells you that something called Contemporary Christian Music is any good at all. We all rue the day he found that.”

She left the empty gym to join the usual crowd in the street.

“Let's see. What could *I* catch you up on in particular?” Nat felt a big smile cross her face. “Well, the waltz is the same. A few more songs to dance to now. Condoms are better… more sizes, more flavors, thinner.”

She thought she heard a short little sigh.

“The man who managed a delightfully cheesy pick-up line on me when he didn't know his own name should certainly be able to find amenable female companionship, when he's ready to. There’s some options for you there at the new base I already know about, and I haven’t even committed myself to wingman status yet. Just… just get yourself a blue button-down. And wear it. That’ll get you a good start. When you’re ready.

“Steve will tell you that there’s decent chak-chak there, in town, at that pastry shop he likes on the south side. Do not believe him. He's an idiot on this topic. For good chak-chak go to Oleg’s on 7th street. You can’t get decent syrniki anywhere there though, you’ll have to come here for that.”

Nat leaned against a lamppost for a moment and stretched her legs, talking to a ghost. 

“Steve’s got you on a good plan, I’ve heard the details. Sam might have consulted on it a bit. I’m telling you now, take it seriously.” 

She wondered if an eyeroll had a sound she hadn’t noticed til now. 

“Now you listen to me. The relaxation techniques. The desensitization. Take. It. Seriously. You just take it step by step. You don’t have to do everything at once. Spend a few minutes in crowds now and then. Not on high alert, just at ease. Start with two minutes. Literally. Make yourself do it. Then three minutes. Then four. These things are important. Listen to me on this, I know. It’s what I did. It’s what I do. Watching your thoughts, and your feelings. Acknowledging you have those.” She sighed. “We have to take the vigilance we’re trained in, turn it inward. Everywhere inward. To get them out of our head. To make sure we’re not doing their work for them. Go with Steve to the dog park. Watch sunsets. I know it sounds silly, but it’s really very important. Find something beautiful to drink in. It's good for you right now. It’s essential for you right now. Talk to a stranger every day, who you don’t kill. Talk with your new friends. I promise you, not everyone is an enemy. Steve’s not the only one that wants to see you succeed, you know. Clint’s rooting for you, and Sam. Everybody around you, really, is invested in you, to one degree or another… even the new guys who are slightly terrified of you. They’re good people, the crowd we’ve got. They wish you well. I know how hard that is to comprehend. Believe me. But that doesn't make it less true. Spend a little time each day intentionally wrapping your head around the fact that there’s people that care about you. It may sink in after a… few... years.

“I know that… I know our paths have had some differences. But you know how much we have in common. I had to do a lot of this too. Just learning how to be around people. Not just handlers and targets. How to be a person. Not a weapon. It’ll happen. You'll get better and better. And then you’ll keep finding new things to work on. More to heal. Even when you don’t want to work at it anymore. But from now on, you get to make the choices of what you’re gonna do. Who you’re gonna be. You get yourself back.

“Maybe… maybe a step or two will even be simpler for you, since you’ve got childhood memories that actually help. You’ve had people love you before. Care whether you live or die.”

And then her own memories came flooding back… not of childhood, but of when she cared whether he was alive. When she hoped he was. All her failures to find him. She exhaled heavily, and stared off into nothing. “I never thought to look for you in the Smithsonian,” she whispered. 

Nat took a breath a little more unevenly than she’d intended. Then she composed herself, and found an authoritative voice.

“Ok, critically important thing that I need to make sure gets introduced into your life. It's called karaoke. You’re not there yet, my friend, but you will get there. And when you do, I will be there. That is mandatory.

“Also, has Steve told you about bananas? Ask Steve about bananas.”

Companionable silence greeted her.

“Here’s something else that only I can tell you. Do you remember… you know those times, when you were captive, and it… it wasn’t awful? I don’t mean when we were together. That was… that was actually good. I mean the dull, numb, simple, not awful times. Listen to me. It’s okay to miss those times sometimes. It’s okay to wish life was easier now. It’s okay to wish your head was quieter. You’re not betraying yourself, or your friends.”

She cleared her throat.

“Do not under any circumstances read the comments on articles on the internet. Don't let Steve either, if you can help it. He lets himself get sucked in. Don't play cards with Wanda. Or Clint for that matter. Do play cards with Fury, or Hill, they're both terrible. Play pool for money with... *anybody.* At any time. Especially when you need an ego boost.

“Alright, even I’m getting annoyed at the volume of advice pouring out of me right now. And I need to get ready for a job.” She stopped walking. “Are you okay? Okay enough? For now?”

Silence.

“Okay. Take care of yourself. Don't make me come over there.”

Silence.

“And... call me again. If you like. Oh, Sam’s birthday is next month, isn’t it? I’ll… don’t tell him, but I’ll probably see you then.”

Silence. And then the soft muffling of a line of communication closing. She looked at the “CALL ENDED 35:17” flash on her screen a few times before fading. And she walked up the stairs to her room.


End file.
